The Adventures of Cowtown Mama

A quick update

2008-11-23T21:18:00.003-06:00

I'm doing much better - coming out of the funk, kicking butt at work, and making progress on all fronts.

Below are some new pics.... I know I let my kids watch too much tv hence the reason these pictures are so darn cute.

A deal has been struck

2008-11-02T18:34:00.001-06:00

The Monkey & I had a very serious conversation the other day which resulted in clearly defined rules regarding a very serious matter.

So let it be known, that I, the Cowtown Mama, have granted permission to my eldest son, The Monkey, to attack if our home is ever invaded by Ninjas.

Ninjas - you have been warned. If you approach our residence, you will be attacked without reservation by The Monkey. He has been granted permission to kick you in your private parts, to beat you about the face and head, and to punch you in the guts.

This is the last time I will speak of it..... Again, Ninjas.... you have been warned.

Now, we did set different rules for your run of the mill robbers - the rule is run like hell and call 911.

OK, that was depressing

2008-11-01T19:25:00.001-05:00

Sorry the last post sounded so.... depressing, but I felt at the time as though I was truly in a pit. I'm feeling better, but not great... still somewhat in the dark, still somewhat chaotic. Thank you to all who called, emailed, and prayed... Our God is a God of the highest moutain tops and the lowest valleys and thankfully, he puts friends in the path as we go through the journey.

I spent Tuesday (my 38th birthday) at the doctor - my blood pressure was through the roof. I know - it's shocking (note the sarcasm in my typing). So my doctor adjusted my blood pressure medicine and gave me something to help me sleep. It's amazing how sleep provides you with mental clarity.

I'll type more later, but the boys are demanding my attention. Something to do with Star Wars.....

Makes it all to real

2008-10-27T21:20:00.005-05:00

So I've been avoiding my blog... my life can be describe in one simple word - CHAOS. Chaos at home, chaos at work, and today, I feel myself spiraling toward a deep abyss. I recognize the signs - signs that appeared shortly after my 22nd birthday. Signs that have come in and out of my life since that time. A dark place that I can come through, but never the less, a dark place that I don't like to be in.

My friend, Lisa, posted a blog with a similar theme of avoidance during difficult times. By putting this on "paper" so to speak, it makes it all too real. I'm really ok.... it's just a rough spot that will take more than a day to get through, but alas, I will get through.

I do have some funny things to post about, but tonight, I'm not really feeling it. If you are reading this, and you're the praying type, I simply ask for your prayers - prayers for me, the Husband, the Monkey, and the Bear. Pray for us individually, pray for us as a family.......

In Texas - the deadline is October 6th

2008-10-04T19:54:00.001-05:00

Please God tell me you are registered......

Giggle

2008-09-29T19:51:00.001-05:00

Bono is the King of Ireland, and based on Sarah Palin's defintion, I guess anyone in Texas has enough foreign policy experience to qualify for VP since we are so close to Mexico.

Good news

2008-09-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

So I got good news yesterday - my pouch has shrunk back down, so I can return to my regular diet on Friday. One of my awesome doctors reminded me to slow down and chew a lot. I promised to follow his instructions because 2 weeks of mush sucked big time!

So right now I'm at 57.5 pounds lost since 1/23/2008. I'm so excited and so geniuenly proud of myself.... truly proud of this accomplishment, but no sitting back and relaxing, I still have more work to do. Like get into a workout routine because that will be critical for the next 50 lbs.

I bought some fall clothes about a month or so ago in a smaller size. Since the weather has cooled off this week, I decided to wear some yesterday. Well, my teammates proceeded to tell me that I cannot wear the pants again because they are too big, and I should probably save the shirt to wear as a sexy pj top. They have been so supportive, and a few of them truly keep me grounded and remind me often about how much I've accomplished.

I honestly can't remember

2008-09-16T06:18:00.002-05:00

An interesting question was posed to me by a co-worker yesterday. "When was the last time you were this size?" She and I were discussing my current size which is about 3 sizes down from my pre-surgical size. I'm knocking on the 60 lbs. milestone.

I honestly can't remember. I think I could squeeze into this size around the time I started back to work full-time which will be 4 years in December.

I actually sent an email off to my OB/Gyn this morning asking them to look in my chart for my weight back when I started seeing him in 1997, my weight in the Spring of 2000 when I got pregnant with the Monkey, and my weight in the Summer of 2003 when I got pregnant with the Bear. I'll let you know what I find out.

It was a fake

2008-09-05T06:05:00.003-05:00

So I'm confirm that the picture in my previous post was indeed a fake.

Doesn't make any difference to me because I still don't like what she stands for and I think she sounds exactly like Romy.

He actually said

2008-09-03T21:18:00.004-05:00

Rudy Gulliani said during his speech to the GOP convention tonight, I can't quote it exactly because I'm still floored that he said it, but basically he said, 'When the Democratic Party gave up on the war in the Middle East, they gave up on America.'

Once again, we hear that a dissention with regards to the war in the Middle East equals a lack of patriotism.

Douche Bag!

Feeling a bit discouraged

2008-09-03T12:53:00.008-05:00

And I shouldn't be because I'm losing weight, but.... I went in this morning to have a fill, but before that I let them know that I'm having some issues with reflux. So the Doctor took a really good luck under floro and found that my pouch is stretched. He said it's not unusual, and it's treatable - he pulled out 1.5 cc of fluid and prescribed 2 weeks of mushy food and liquids. No water at bedtime. These are all very doable things, but ugh, 2 weeks of mushy and liquids. But by committing to this, the doctor advised that 99.5% of these issues will correct themselves.

So I got in the car, feeling quite sorry for myself. Turned on my iPod, and the following came up in the rotation. Leave it to Third Day to quickly remind me that I need to stand firm and turn this over to someone/somebody/something else:

"Take It All"

All the promises I've broken

All the times I've let you down

You've forgot them

But still I hold on to the pain that makes me drown

Now I'm ready

To let it go

To give it away

Take it all

'Cause I can't take it any longer

All I have, I can't make it on my own

Take the first,

take the last

Take the good

and take the rest

Here I am, all I have

Take it all

All the roads that lie before me

All the struggles I go through

Every second I'm reminded

That it all belongs to you

Now I'm ready

To let it go

To give it away

Ever since I died to myself

You gave a better life to me

I give you my finest moment

I give you the last breath I breathe

So for my readers/friends/family, please hold me in your prayers this week.

1. Pray for strength of mind, so that I may stand firmly committed to the restrictions that I've been give for this very brief time. * Reminding myself often that I'm somewhat blessed to be overweight 'cause it means I have more than enough to eat.

2. Pray for strength of body that this "stretch" will correct itself.

PS - After I posted this blog, I stumbled across this on the blog written by Third Day's guitarist.

This has to be fake

2008-09-03T05:31:00.002-05:00

Please tell me this is fake because if this is the GOP's VP......

Another fill

2008-09-03T05:17:00.002-05:00

So I'm heading in this morning for another fill. I haven't had one since June when I got a little too much restriction (5.8 cc). They took a little out (.25 cc), so now I'm thinking I'll have a little put back in (.15 cc). I'm anxious about putting too much in - too much restriction can be miserable. For me, it was night time reflux. This has continued somewhat, but nothing like it was when they filled me in June. I've also made some changes to assist with that. I try to keep dinner my smallest meal of the day, and I try not to snack after dinner.

I obviously need a fill as I gained 1.5 lbs last week. Thanks in part to the yummy potluck at work. I didn't eat as much as others that's for sure, but I obviously ate more then I should have.

So it's liquids for the next 24-48 hrs. I hate this part, but it's totally worth it as a fill usually means weight loss kicks back into gear again.

Some major self reflection

2008-09-02T18:29:00.002-05:00

Why didn't someone tell me early on that parenting has absolutely nothing to do with the children and everything to do with the parents?

We have no power to control over our children. A psychologist once told me - You can't control the situation. You can control your reaction to the situation.

We, specifically me, cannot control The Monkey. This weekend was not so great, so I reminded myself - I cannot control this child, I can only control my reaction to him. So we're looking for a different approach with him. It's not about changing him, but about changing us.

My ultimate goal is not to control, but rather to give him the tools to make the choices for himself. But one thing I know, I gotta make this work now, or my life, our lives, will be hell when he's 15.

Really?

2008-09-01T18:19:00.001-05:00

"Country First"..... Really, that's what they came up with? Queue the Eagle flying slowly with an American flag in the background and a very Anglo looking Jesus standing high atop a big, fluffy cloud. Maybe you used ask some of the Christian right what they think about placing Country above God.

I'll make this perfectly clear... I don't place Country First; however, that does not make me less of a patriot.

I'm going to bed....

2008-08-30T21:15:00.003-05:00

I exhausted -- really, really tired. The Husband, on the other hand, should be well rested. He made a quick trip to Houston yesterday which brought him back to town this morning. Immediately upon arriving home, he laid down in bed and went back to sleep for probably another 1.5 hrs.

We took The Monkey and The Bear to see Star Wars: The Clone Wars. He dozed during the movie. We got home from the movie, and he proceeded to lay down on the couch and nap for another 2 hours.

Must be nice..... I'm going to bed now because we have a busy day tomorrow. I'm teaching The Monkey's Sunday School class (I haven't read the lesson). After church we've been invited to celebrate the baptism of our dear friend's, The H's, baby girl - lovingly called E-Claire.

Now that's something to make you smile, a sweet baby girl. She tried to scare us all by arriving way too early. My sweet friend ended up on complete bedrest at about 18 weeks. I'm totally amazed how they did that with 2 girls the exact same ages as The Monkey and The Bear. I can't imagine. So tomorrow we celebrate and commit to our friends and E-Claire, in the words of our minister, "to tell her the stories of Jesus, so that his stories become her stories."

I happy, but still annoyed and tired.

A Blog from Work

2008-08-27T15:03:00.003-05:00

So the main network drive where I house most of the data I use for my job, well, it crashed. IT can't restore it, so we have to wait for the backup tape from last night to be loaded.

I'm working from our lovely Internet Cafe. We can't access much from our desk because the idiots I work with think it's fun to spend all day surfing the net on the company's dollar. Why do adults have to be so stupid?

I really have nothing exciting to say, but since I can't do a damn bit of work, I thought. What the heck? So here I am with nothing much to say since I posted last night.

I suck

2008-08-26T20:25:00.007-05:00

I've really been sucking at this blogging thing. I've set a goal to blog daily during the month of September. Pray that I'm able to meet the goal. I get on the computer every night, I check myspace, various blogs, play one game, and then I'm done. If I didn't wait so long in between blogs, I wouldn't have to write a book each time.

Let's hit the highlights since my last post:

I hit the 50 lbs. mark. I haven't had a fill since June. I'm having a little problem with reflux, but I'm seeing my surgeon next week. I "fractured" a tooth, so I'm awaiting the permanent crown... my 1st crown ever. Work is ok... had some issues lately. My client is great, but office politics is annoying the heck out of me. Toyed with the idea of going back to school which I may do, but I couldn't swing the $300 in books for 1 class this semester. Awaiting the completion of the new LA Fitness right by my house. We cancelled our membership at the Y because LA Fitness is much closer and has better childcare hours. Also found out that my 20 year, yes I said, my 20 year reunion is tentatively scheduled for August 2009. I wonder where I'll be in my weight loss journey by then. The Husband is in the full swing of Football season and Cub Scouts. We spent an hour last night coordinating schedules. We took a 3-day weekend to San Antonio 2 weeks ago. It was marvelous. I was totally calm about flying, but I guess after my multiple trip to Cincinnati on a 50 seat jet, the 737 is a piece of cake. Speaking of cake, I think I had a wedding cake martini at Swig down on the River Walk. We highly recommend that. Also had a great meal, and some awesome Texas wine.

The Monkey started 2nd grade. He had a great summer at the Y finishing with an awesome tan, the ability to swim like a fish, and blonde highlights that most women pay hundreds of dollars for. The Bear moved to the Pre-K class at daycare after a really bad week in Preschool 2. His 1st day of Pre-K he brought a self portrait home which was immediately displayed with honor on the frig. Last week, both boys were threatened with military school or deportation. Don't know what it was, but the Husband and I were completely floored at how horrible they both acted all week. I think they briefly redeemed themselves and were awarded the privlege of TV on Wednesday, but soon lost that privlege along with a swim party Saturday night with a friend from Cub Scouts. Both boys were in bed most nights last week around 7:30 because staying up later may have led to my subsequent arrest. The Monkey will start his popcorn sales soon for Cub Scouts - his goal is a science kit which will require $750 in sales. Be expecting an email to offer you the opportunity for yummy popcorn and a worthwhile cause - Cub Scouts. The Bear will take a crack at soccer. I'm excited to see how this will go as The Monkey isn't much of an athlete, but The Bear, I think, will be a different story.

So again, my goal is to post daily over the next month. So stay tuned.

Seriously People

2008-07-02T05:42:00.004-05:00

I woke up to this email this morning. Damn, people! It's only July 2nd, and this isn't the 1st back to school advertisement I've received.

This isn't how I intended on losing it......

2008-07-01T21:43:00.002-05:00

Thanks to a 36 hour stomach bug I quickly approaching a huge milestone - 50 lbs!!!!! Granted the last 9 were lost by dehydration, but hey, it still counts. I'll probably end up putting a few pounds back on, but either way, I am quickly approaching the 50 lbs mark.

The biggest challenge in losing this weight thus far hasn't been the food. It hasn't been life without Dr. Pepper. The biggest challenge thus far has been accepting compliments about my physical appearance. I'm glad to tell anyone how much weight I've lost, but I've stopped saying "I still have a ton more to go." Frankly, that's still very obvious. I don't need to tell anyone that. When people praise my accomplishments, I simply say "Thank you" and "I appreciate your support." That's tough to say thank you because I'm not use to those compliments. I didn't get those compliments when I was thinner, so I'm not sure how to accept them now. As a teenager, even at my thinnest, I still outweighed a lot of girls. I never got below a size 10 when my friends were size 5 or smaller. I always wore a large t-shirt, but that was to cover up my gigantic chest that began developing at a very early age. As a dancer, I often saw extremely thin women with no breasts, no hips, no curve. The majority of my dance instructors didn't look like that, but my counterparts and competition looked like that. Teenage years are so tough for girls when it comes to body image. I don't know that I'm equipped to raise girls... Guess that's why God gave me boys. I received compliments on being a great dancer or having a good personality, but I can't recall ever being told I was pretty - I was not one of the pretty girls. That may in large part due to the fact that I had a big mouth and wasn't afraid to use it. It's one thing to hear "Great job on that project," but to hear, "WOW! I can really tell you've lost weight." That's something completely different. But I'm learning to humbly say "Thanks."

The boys are great. The Monkey is so flippin' tan. He's got his dad's skin tone (Lucky child). The Bear is sporting a nice tan too, but nothing like The Monkey.

Speaking of The Bear... tonight, he was complaining that he needed to blow his nose. So he blew once, I saw a little blood, no biggie, but then he says "I need to blow out the black boogers. I don't have green boogers. I have black boogers." I never know what this kid is going to say, so with another blow, I take a look at the by-product, and what do I see... that would be a tiny pebble. Yes, the Bear stuck a rock up his nose. I immediately launched into a very stern reminder that the only thing that goes up our nose is medicine. "I'm so very sorry, Momma" he said in his sweetest Bear Cub voice. I walked into the den to find The Husband with his face buried in his hands while shaking his head in disbelief. Like most everything with the Bear, I'm only surprised that it didn't happen sooner.

After an awesome vacation in Hot Springs Village, the Husband and I have made a couple decisions. 1.) We will not be spending our retirement years in Cowtown. We will relocate to HSV, so please make plans to drop in for a visit. 2.) We need a trip alone. Before boys, we traveled just about every year. Now it wasn't to some exciting foreign country, but we took vacations, and we travel really well together. We don't constantly have to be going, going, going, but with the boys, we have to keep them entertained. For us, a morning on the balcony with a good cup of coffee and a book, followed by more coffee, and more reading, followed by lunch, a nap, and then cocktails and a good book - well, that a great vacation day for us. So we are heading to San Antonio in mid-August alone for a 3 day weekend. Yes, it is hotter than Hades there, but our only plans are the pool and Pat O'Briens. The Husband found some restaurant that he tried to tell me about in the midst of my stomach bug - I immediately told him that further details would have to wait. You know you're sick when the Food Network makes you wanna hurl.

Oh, and BTW, I dropped my cell phone at lunch today, and it's totally dead. Sounds like a great excuse to get the new iPhone.

Laying in bed yesterday going in and out of consciousness, I watched the Top 100 Hits of the 90s. College flashback indeed. I'll be writing a blog on that. And I watch the 90th birthday celebration for Nelson Mandela. Watch for that soon.

Wednesday recap in HSV

2008-06-15T15:55:00.005-05:00

Here's a recap of Wednesday during our vacation last week in Hot Springs Village

Just some random photos

2008-06-06T21:58:00.006-05:00

I was moving pictures off my camera in anticipation of a very camera intensive week. These are a couple of new ones....

The Bear exhausted after a day filled with jumping off the diving board and swimming under water.

The last day of school and sporting new t-shirts that Daddy brought home from his recent guys trip to Charlotte. They were also sporting their new summer hairdos aka buzz cut. Too much swimming for the Monkey at Y camp. Washing that head of hair every night is exhausting.

Gen-X Slacker

2008-06-02T21:12:00.003-05:00

That's me.... then GenX Slacker. I've really sucked at blogging for the month of May, so let's hope that I do a better job in June.

For the important stuff, I'm very close to hitting the 40 lbs. mark. I'm feeling really good. Said so long to some clothes that I intend to never see again, and said hello to some clothes that were way up top of the closet. Shorts that were uncomfortable last summer feel much better this summer. I had a fill that went really well, and I'll have my next fill in about 2.5 weeks once we return from vacation.

Speaking of vacation, we are making our way out of town soon despite the gas prices. We're heading to what may be our future retirement residence, Hot Springs, AR. We really enjoy it. Yes, it's Arkansas, but it is very nice. We plan on lots of swimming, lounging, reading, boating, and family time. Speaking of swimming, we've already hit the pool a few times including last Saturday at the Mother-in-law's house. The Bear finally jumped off the diving board, and The Monkey didn't miss a beat. They are both little fishes who luckily have better pigment than Mommy. The Monkey got a little pink, but now 2 days later, it's turned into a tan.

I have lots of ideas to blog about, but each time I sit down, I end up reading other blogs, so below are some of the things I waste time online reading.

http://mamaonaplaydate.blogspot.com/ I've been following this amazing woman's story for several years now. To take such a tragedy (the loss of an infant to cancer) and make it something wonderful, I'm in such admiration of her. Here's also a link to her foundations site http://www.heroesforchildren.org/.

By following Jenny's blog, I've found the following:
http://adayinthelifeofacrazymom.blogspot.com/
http://www.morethanaminivanmom.com/
http://www.doublestroller.blogspot.com/ Another Mom whose infant child faced cancer. Her story ends differently - this sweet boy survived thanks to the gift of organ donation.

I love photography websites, so here's a few that I bookmarked
http://www.sugar-photography.com/blog/
http://www.jessicaclaire.net/
http://www.beckersblog.com/

I also need details on my favorite band from Georgia, Third Day:
http://thirdday.blogs.com/
http://thirdday.blogs.com/tai/

And of course, there's the totally inappropriate gossip:
http://www.perezhilton.com/
http://www.dlisted.com/

My new favorite is actually a dear friend. Lisa has started a blog that is just awesome. I love reading it daily for inspiration. http://beingtransformedbyhisgrace.blogspot.com/ Lisa really was a great friend to me early on in my return to the church. Although life has gotten in the way of our friendship, reading her blog reminds me of how incredibly important she was to me along the way.

I'll share a funny Lisa story that she probably doesn't remember, but I will never forget. After The Monkey was born, my life was just really chaotic. That's to be expected as a new Mom. I can remember crying to her on the phone about it was just too much trouble to do the little errands like run to the dry cleaners or the drug store. I was so exhausted and really struggling with depression. This conversation involved a tearful discussion about how I didn't even have the energy to go the the drug store to buy mascara. It was just too much of a hassle. Fast forward a few days to our weekly bible study. I walk in, and Lisa immediately hands me a lumpy pink envelope. Inside was a beautiful card and a pink and green tube of mascara. That in a nutshell is the type of friend Lisa was and is. I'm sorry that we don't see or talk as much as we use to, but I'm so happy that I can call her friend.

So see why I never blog... I'm too busy reading everyone else's stuff.

No wonder.....

2008-05-13T21:41:00.001-05:00

No wonder I've felt like crap for the past few days - I have strep. I'm going to bed.

Yes, I'm a slacker

2008-05-13T05:49:00.003-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in several days. I'll try to finish some posts tonight and get them up for your viewing pleasure.

Big Hugs.

Despite the fact....

2008-05-06T21:49:00.003-05:00

that I didn't break a sweat last night in Yoga, my ass hurts today.

I couldn't go work out tonight... Tiger Cubs for the Monkey and our parenting series at church for The Husband and I. I'll go tomorrow night. 6PM - Y Flex - toning class. It should be good - low impact.

I'm now pondering putting the Bear in a private PreK somewhere. He's too flipping smart, and with boredom, trouble can quickly follow. Our daycare is great, but I'm not sure that it's challenging enough for him. Despite being tax paying citizens, the Bear could only attend PreK in our district if we pay. All of the paid slots are filled since paid PreK is only offered at 3 schools in our district. Riddle me this, Batman -- if my neighborhood school's PreK is not at capacity than why can't he go there???

Also, why has my wireless mouse stopped working?

Stephen Covey

2008-05-05T21:36:00.003-05:00

Stephen Covey says it takes 21 days to create a new habit. I'm hoping I started a new habit tonight - working out.

I went to the Y right after work and took the 6PM Yoga class. Although I didn't really sweat, that class kicked my butt.

The instructor was very nice and helpful, but there was some stuff I just couldn't do. My biggest concern..... farting. Yes, I was afraid that Yoga might produce uncontrollable flatulence. All of that stretching.... I was concerned that one might slip out, but alas, I was safe.

I will say I kinda giggled because while I think she was being truly genuine, the instructor said she was very impressed with my flexibility. Despite not dancing for 15 yrs, I do think I'm just naturally bending. Again, I think she was geniune, but I almost heard "You have really good flexibility.... for a fat chick."

1 Day down 20 to go.......

NSV and somesuch

2008-05-04T14:19:00.004-05:00

In the world of weight loss, there is a term "NSV" aka "Non-Scale Victories." I had an awesome NSV last night.

I bought a skirt probably 2 years ago on clearance at Wally-World. Really cute and only $6 bucks, but it has literally set in my closet with the tags still on. I keep trying it on to see if I can get in it. I haven't really lost much weight lately, but for some reason, I decided to give it a try last night, and what the hell..... it fit! YEE HAW!

We got The Monkey registered for the Y's summer daycamp. The Monkey and the Bear are both signed up for swim lessons as well. I've also go my local rec. center catalog highlighted and ready to go for registration next Saturday. Since we are non-residence of the only rec. center near us, I'll have slim pickings for summer activities, but we are going to try a few things. We also signed up for a membership at the Y, so Pilates and Yoga will need to be worked into my weekly schedule as well. Downloaded a ton of new music this week, so tonight I'll begin creating my treadmill playlists. I need to create a 30 minute list first, and then expand to 45 minutes.

I'll have my 4th fill on Thursday, so I'm hoping to hit the lapband "sweet spot" and start seeing some real progress. Don't get me wrong, and I'm very happy with what I've done so far, but I need to see feel more restriction to reduce my eating and continue to drop the pounds. I'm actually off on Friday for some girly surgery.... nothing major just a little in office procedure.

In heavy rotation

2008-04-29T22:09:00.001-05:00

The husband and I went away for the weekend. We camped with some friends and had a blast. The husband is now obsessed with camping since The Monkey is in Cub Scouts.
It was a lot of fun. The World's Greatest Mother-in-law stayed at our house with the boys, and everyone survived.
We got the chance to hang out with friends with no interruptions. You know the typical interruption like having to yell at your kids that they need to get off of the middle of the table or that they should stop chocking their brother.
One friend aka The Professional Surveyor camps frequently, so he had his laptop set up in the camper and speakers outside for all to enjoy. After a weekend of camping, REM is now in heavy rotation on my iPod. They are like my #2 favorite band behind U2, but their stuff of late hasn't really sparked my soul like the old stuff......

Progress

2008-04-28T21:30:00.000-05:00

Someone asked me the other day why I haven't posted about my progress... so here I go.

I'm down about 33 lbs. I was down about 35 lbs., but after my camping weekend and way too many margaritas on the campout, I did some damage. I can now say with confidence that the lapband procedure has not inhibited my ability to enjoy a good margarita or bloddy mary, but it wasn't really worth the calories or the up swing of 2 lbs.

I'm trying not to buy new clothes. I have plenty of smaller fat clothes to wear, but I did pick up a few new shirts which is cool because I was able to buy a smaller size. I've got some smaller jeans that I'm not quite into. My regular jeans are now way too big, but the next size down isn't quite my idea of comfortable. Sizes vary so much from store and maker. Notice - I didn't say designer. I'm a Mom - I don't do designer clothes.

I walked the stairs at work the other day and didn't feel like I was going to die which was nice. I made the trek from our campsite to the bathroom a couple of times and again I didn't feel that I was going to stroke out.

I arrived home after our campout to an email that planning for my 20th high school reunion is in the works. I was immediately transported back to feeling like an inadequate 17 yr. old. The beginning of my senior was probably the thinnest I ever was. That was after 6 weeks under the care of a physician who ran a diet clinic. Amazing how much weight can be lost with the assistance a few little pills.

I was heavy for my 10 and 15 year reunion. The people that I cared about at the reunion loved me for me. Some of them were heavier too, but I still felt like I could hear all of these little voices in their tiny little minds saying "Holy Crap - she's huge." So I now have about 15 months until my reunion. 15 months and a lapband.... watch out bitches, here I come.

Remembering a friend

2008-04-22T22:01:00.002-05:00

Last month a day passed that I should have stopped to remember, but I didn't because life goes on, and that's exactly how Greg would have wanted it. I miss his gruff voice, his rock n roll attire, and his delicious cocktails.

I wanted to post the video, but can't seem to get it linked from YouTube. If you have a moment, go there and search U2, Walk On

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind
And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on...Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom
Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Home... hard to know what it is if you've never had one
Home... I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the hurt is
I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress-up
All that you scheme...

I love the fact that with so many songs I'm quickly transported back in time to a certain period of my life. Many bring a smile to my face, and others can easily bring me to tears.

Another goal in mind

2008-04-17T06:18:00.002-05:00

So in my initial post that kicked this blogging thing off, I mentioned a couple of goals.... getting back in a dance class and back into these great black Justin cowboy boots from college.

Here's another goal - a family session with Sugar Photography in Dallas. Check out her site. I'm obsessed with photography websites. If I had a few G's dropped in my lap tomorrow, and I had to spend it on myself, I would totally buy all digital photography equipment.

This women does amazing stuff, and I love to read her blog. I gotta go... I'm gonna be late for work.

A lesson in letting go

2008-04-15T22:00:00.003-05:00

From the time your children are born, you begin the process of letting go. The Husband and I began a workshop last week at church entitled "Value Pack Parenting." The author began with a question about what you want your children to look like when you get ready to set them free in a matter of only a few short years. This past weekend was a lesson in equipping the boys with independence.

The Monkey's Cub Scout Pack had their Spring Family Campout. The Monkey and The Husband headed out on Friday immediately after school. I don't know who was more excited. My vote - The Husband. He's loving the whole scouting thing. The Bear and I got up Saturday morning and made the drive to Purtis Creek State Park. It was a busy day of fishing, exploring, and hiking. I actually stayed behind and took a nap in the tent. The weather was absolutely beautiful, but Saturday night was a little colder than we expected.

We had several camp sites due to the almost 80 people in attendance with 1 particular site for our gatherings & meals. Behind that gathering area was a path that lead to a ravine and small creek. This became the place to be for the boys. The games seemed to revolve around who was a Ninja, Spy, Trojan, or something else... I can't remember. I was a little nervous about letting Sam down there, but soon had to let that go. I had to let go even further when he and 2 other boys wanted to head to the see the beaver dam which was about a 15 minute hike. I did it... I let him go. One of the boys was a couple of years older, and I knew had to let him go. They made it back safe and sound and very proud in about 45 minutes.

Of course, The Bear wanted to me in the middle of it all. I walked down to the ravine with him and kept a very close watch. I slowly began to back away as I was sure he could climb up and down the sides of the ravine and cross the small creek safely. Lordy, my baby is growing up. Eventually, as long as he was with someone, I let him head down by himself. From the main camp, he was within yelling distance, and I could see him at most times. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Then the boys started heading further down the ravine where the trees were a little thicker. The Bear wanted to go to, but the Mean Momma said no. The big boys were willing to keep up with him, so The Bear headed down with the boys. I could see him from a distance if I got up and moved about 50 yards down to the edge of the ravine, but if something were to have happened, I have no clue how I would have gotten to him. But alas no worries, he was fine. Filthy dirty, but both of the boys were fine. Saturday night, The Bear crashed during the camp fire and missed smores. He woke up long enough to pee in the woods, put on his pjs, and climb into his warm sleeping bag. He was the last to wake up Sunday morning, and I don't think he moved at all during the night. The Monkey and The Husband crashed hard as well. I slept ok, but my face got cold so I literally slept inside of the sleeping bag.

I hate it that in this day and age my boys don't have the same opportunities like I had growing up. We lived in the sticks, so often my sisters and I along with the 4 other neighbor kids on our hill would leave early in the morning and explore the wooded areas around our hill only to come home for lunch or at the command of Daddy's whistle which could be heard within a 5 mile radius. I'm glad the boys had that chance this weekend. Below are some pictures of the ravine that I took Sunday morning as we were getting ready to head out.

Heading down

Climbing up the other side

The Monkey

The Bear

Brothers forever

It could have been sooooo much worse

2008-04-11T21:18:00.001-05:00

We are safe and the power is back on.... it could have been worse. Storms rolled through Tarrant County about 3:00AM on Wednesday morning. The husband and I woke up because we had the windows in our room opened. If you live in North Texas, you know there is only a brief period of time when you can have the windows open and be comfortable. I love this time of the year, even if it only lasts for a few short weeks. Within a few minutes of the storm rolling in, the power went out. Ok, no biggie. We both grabbed our cell phones and set our phone alarms. The husband worried that he would have to drive to work in the monsoon that was passing through NE Tarrant County. As quickly as the storm came up, it passed, and I'm pretty sure by 4AM, it was a nice rain, but nothing major. The Husband departed for work.

Of course, while The Husband and I laid in bed wondering if the roof was going to blow off or if the lightning would strike our house, The Monkey and The Bear were sound asleep. I love that I have boys that sleep through storms. The Monkey did wake in a panic around 4:15 because the hall light that we are required to leave on each night was out, and he attempted to turn it back on with no success. I recounted the details of the last hour, told him to climb in bed with me, and go back to sleep. I reset my phone alarm from my normal 5:30 to 6:00. We were soon joined by The Bear, so again, I retold the story of the last hours, told him to climb in bed, and go back to sleep. The husband sent a text, so I called. Major accident to the west of our house in route to the daycare. No traffic lights in our area.... things didn't sound good.

About 6:15 I got a call from the daycare. Closed - no power, lots of downed trees. The assistant director sounded like she was in a panic. Then I began to think... what about The Monkey's school. It's a neighborhood school, and our neighborhood has no power. Needless to say, we soon found out that school was closed. The Monkey began to worry about his teacher and his friends. It was so sweet. As the three of us layed in bed, The Monkey insisted that we say a prayer that all of his friends from school were safe, then the Bear wanted to add his friends to the prayer list. Monkey said a sweet prayer that all of our friends were safe. So I made a couple of phone calls. I could go into work after The Husband got home. No biggie except still no power.

The boys and I went to breakfest, and we soon saw the effects of the storm, and wow, we are so lucky. We may need a new roof or just some repairs, but holy cow, we saw a ton of downed trees... big trees, not tiny, young trees, but big beautiful shade trees. Lots of downed fences. The area near our church was crazy. Some places were destroyed while next door all was well. Luckily our church only suffered power outage. So I showered by lantern and went to work with no makeup and no blown dry hair.

That night we headed out for dinner and saw the repair trucks coming into the neighborhood around 6:15PM. Hooray, power was returning, but not so fast. With the boys in their sleeping bags, we went to bed with the windows open, and our cell phone alarms set, not knowing if power would indeed return. It did return with a bang actually a blaring home alarm. Power returned at 1:45AM on Friday morning. We quickly moved the boys back to their rooms and layed under the breeze of the ceiling fan, so grateful that power had been returned to our home. The Husband was so excited that it was back on that he couldn't go back to sleep, so he went into work at about 2AM this morning.

So the boys and I got up and proceeded with our Friday, but first we stopped by the donut store to celebrate the return of power with some donuts for them and a cup of coffee for me. On the way to daycare, The Monkey made up a song that went something like this.... "I'm so glad the power's back on, I'm so glad the power's back on, now it's not dark in our house anymore." I continued singing the song during my commute onto work that morning adding in additional lines about having my blow dryer back.

A reminder.....

2008-04-09T18:23:00.005-05:00

A friend sent this to me the other day. I loved it and wanted to share....

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING IHEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

Mark your calendar

2008-04-05T16:34:00.002-05:00

Rick Springfield is coming, Rick Springfield is coming...... So I really wanted to go on the Rick & Friends Cruise in November ( I know I'm a dork), but the price was ridiculous. However, it would have been extremely cool because not only would it have been Rick Springfield, but another favorite from the 80s - John Waite.

While wasting time today online, I found that Rick is coming to DFW twice - 6/13/2008 at the Glass Cactus in Grapevine or I could celebrate my 38th b'day a few days early at the House of Blues in Dallas on 10/25/2008. Add to that - George Michael is coming to American Airlines Center in July.

I'm going into preteen obsession overload. I need to go lay down and rest.

The pressure is on

2008-04-04T05:43:00.006-05:00

Holy Moly! I sent an email out to let everyone know about my blog, and.... I'm so excited about all the responses I got back. Thank you for your support and encouragement! The pressure is on, so now I have to keep this thing going.....

The Mom of the Year Award

2008-04-02T21:00:00.007-05:00

More like the crappiest Mom of the Year Award - I won it today.

The Monkey complained of a headache yesterday when he got home from school. The Husband gave him an Advil, and I never heard another complaint from him.

This morning, he woke up and as soon as he opened his mouth to speak, I knew it.... he was sick. He sounded like he had a mouth full of marbles. He said his throat hurt a little, so I gave him a Zyrtec and an Advil and promised to contact the World's Greatest Peditrician to schedule an appointment.

I've had a busy week at work, so I wanted to wait until after school to take him to the doctor. I called first thing and got an appointment for late in the day. The Husband's schedule changed, so he took him, and I was able to stay at work.

My phone rang at about 4:30PM.... The Monkey has Strep! The Husband advised me that the poor child looked horrible when he picked him up from school and that he was running a 101 degree temp at the doctor's office. I'm shocked at how fast this came on. Hopefully, he can go back to school on Friday. He is really looking forward to his field trip.

Please don't call CPS on me.

The joys of brotherhood

2008-03-29T15:40:00.006-05:00

So because I'm such a nice Mommy, I took my annual bonus and had a really nice dvd system installed in my new van. Part of the reason was Mommy Guilt because I've been working so many hours over the last several months due to my new client. Yes, I know my kids probably watch too much TV... actually they are probably watching less than normal, so we are making some improvements. But anyhooo, we now have a dvd system in the van, and it's really nice. We can either run it through the auxillary input so that it runs through the stereo or we have wireless headphones.

So today we were spending some time in the car, and the boys decided to watch Tom and Jerry. They really love Tom and Jerry for some reason. I never have been a fan of the non-talking cartoons - Tom and Jerry, Pink Panther, or Road Runner.

Today's conversation was a repeat of previous conversations that take place at the beginning of Tom and Jerry. The cartoon starts and the Bear begins asking "Who's the big one?" The Monkey replies "Tom!" The Bear asks "Who's the little one?" The Monkey replies "Jerry! Bear, you ask this question everytime we watch this. Why can't you remember? Tom is the cat, and Jerry is the mouse. You should really pay attention." The Monkey annoyance level is low when it comes to his little brother.

What I do love about the dvd in the car is when they wear the headphones. Sometimes, I'll listen to music, but many times, I take advantage of the silence and enjoy the giggles and belly laughs that are a product of a good cartoon. Silence interrupted by laughter..... appropriate in the car, not so appropriate in church.

3/1/2004 - 3/12/2004 - What were you doing?

2008-03-05T17:50:00.008-06:00

I remember exactly what I was doing.... March 1st, I was taking a sick newborn to the doctor. Two minutes after I walked in the door my life was turned upside down. It's never good when the World's Greatest Pediatrician looks freightened and tells the nurse to call 911.

It all seems like it was a blur, but then again, it seems like I remember some many of the details. I think about parents with chroniclly ill or terminal children. We lived at that hospital for 12 days, but we left with a child that would recover, so many don't. The Bear defied the odds --- 1% of healthy, full term babies will get RSV as bad as The Bear did.

We would have never survived without the staff at Cook Children's, our family, and our friends.... Good grief, do we have awesome friends? Truly a blessing from God! I feel like I could spend of the rest of my life working to do good in this world, and it wouldn't come close to matching the blessings that were provided to us by our friends and family during that time.

The picture below is actually from day 10. This was a great day. He was off the vent for 24 hours and moving from the PICU to a regular room. The Husband mentioned early on that we should take some pictures. At 15, we might want to remind him of the torture he put us through. My response.... I don't need pictures. It's burned in my mind's eye forever.

You can see the picture to the side..... This hasn't slowed him down. It still slows me down... sometimes, when I look at him, it feels like my heart actually skips a beat while I remember how scary it felt, how close we came to losing this beautiful creature.

So I'm finally gonna start this........

2008-02-28T18:40:00.013-06:00

January 30, 2008 I had what I hope will be a life changing operation. After years of thoughtful and prayerful consideration and with the support of those I love, I underwent Laparoscopic Gastric Band Surgery. For short, you may know it as lapband. I wanted to start this blog much sooner, but alas, life got in the way.

The surgery went well. The pain was manageable. I remember while in my Vicodin haze I told the hubby and the mom, "It's going to be a totally different recovery. It was surgery, but at least I didn't have a newborn to get up and feed every 3 hrs." I jinxed myself. Surgery was Wednesday; the Monkey tested postive for influenza b on Thursday, so we all started on Tamiflu. The Nana took the Monkey and the Bear home with her for the weekend. She and the Pawpaw had their flu shots unlike our family. The hubby left town on Saturday, and I started running a temp. on Saturday. I immediately began to worry that I had an infection and would be septic within a matter of hours. Called the doctor - incesions were fine, no pain, no nauseau, no worries. Take the liquid Tylenol and the liquid Vicodin and go to bed. The hubby returned Sunday, and he retrieved the kids from the Nana and the Pawpaw. The Bear returned home and puked all over the kitchen floor.

I returned to work on Tuesday and progressed from clear liquids (chicken broth), full liquids (tomato soup), soft foods (cream o'wheat), mushy foods, and regular food. My biggest challenge was the complete lack of energy. Everything exhausted me, but soon I regained my energy. I really didn't have a lot of energy before the surgery, but then again does any mom with 2 young, energetic boys and a medical diagnosis of morbidly obese? Good grief... that's a depressing label to be placed upon a person.
I had my first fill on Monday, 2/18. I now have 3 cc's of fluid in my band. I'll look to have another fill around the middle March. I usually takes 3 fills to find your "sweet spot" as my fellow bandsters call it. I'm down about 23.5 lbs. which is good, but I've been sitting at this same spot for about a week. Hopefully the next fill will help with that, and I'm at a point where I can start exercising which will help. Of course, I have to find the time.... I have to make the time.

So that's my journey thus far. I've really only "jonesed" for a Coke once. Yes, it is recommended that I not drink any carbonated drinks ever again, but I gave those up back at Thanksgiving. Bon Voyage, Dr. Pepper. No more Crown and Coke. I can still have caffeine - thank the good sweet Lord above. I can eat just about anything except bread which is sad, but I'll get over it. I have a goal weight in mind, but I'm focusing more on my black Justin cowboy boots from college which I hope to wear again and taking a dance class. I haven't danced in a really long time, but it was once such a part of me. A part that has never really gone away, but I do look forward to connecting with it again soon.